


the pain i carried with me

by Kristinamiller12 (orphan_account)



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Asshole Thranduil, Bilbo is in denial, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nightmares, Sad Bard, Soulmarks, Soulmates, The bardlings cheer on in a far corner while munshing on popcorns lol, True Love, War, asshole bilbo, bard Is confused as hell, bard listening to a beautiful yet terrifying voice, bard running away from a maddening king, deep depression, dis tries to knock some senses into everyone, dorks in denial, kili and fili and legolas are lil shits, mentions of aralas and kiliel, mishivous kili, no one dies everyone lives, past Battle of the five armies, sassy thranduil, thorin tries to be the perfect soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kristinamiller12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While caring for three children of his own bard the bowman  is hated by mostly everyone he also carries a dark   secret with himself ,he has a soulmark on his wrist , surely he thought that his only love was his dead wife . </p><p>Rumours spread like a wildfire that elf's of the mirkwood forest take innocents, and that they never came back while worrying for his children he  goes face first into an Adventure full of war ,pain , heartbreak ,and maybe even love.</p><p>While thorin suffers of the goldsickness and the knowledge that his one would never love him , he tries everything to court the hobbit even if it means to swallow down his dwarfen pride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the pain i carried with me

**Author's Note:**

> so what do you think of this pls don't hesitate to Point out mistakes mY first language Is not english

It was a cool day in laketown, and the bargeman felt shivers creep down his back walking out of his little house he saw his children sigrid , bain and tilda; and waved them goodbye .

" Da don't go" his beloved little tilda ,cried round cheeks red with tears 

and with a sigh ,he went in holding her assuring her, that he will not die ,and that the master would not be that cruel as to kill an innocent person ;which he internally snorted to. 

" Daddy's gonna be back little princess ,you know we need the money for food, and if you behave and don't cry anymore ,we will go to the market and buy you the teddy bear you wanted. " 

At that the little girl smiled, jumping up and down on the worn out sofa in joy ,bard smiled looking at his older children 

laketown under the power of the master was corrupted , if you we're of a noble family and rich than you would not have to worry of anything if not than you have to do the dirty work. 

Woman's can't even properly go out without fear for being taken in the market ,that's why Bain does all the necessary errands ,if his not at home. People here and there complain of the lack of medicine , care ,and money ,since the master greedily takes it and slays his folk without care be it man , woman or children . He was once foolish enough to complain in public, protesting of the lack of economic help , education ,and rights ,only to be pushed the next day in a far dark corner behind the market, and being beaten till he couldn't move and bleeded to death . 

He was pretty sure people saw what happened,but out of fear didn't do anything for they had problems of their own ,and less money just like him and children and wifes to feed. 

He looked into the living room ,and felt a pang in his chest it wasn't anything fancy, just long years hard work 

the rooms we're decorated of small potraits of his past wife ,the ceiling looked like it would crash down, and dust covered the areas in the centre of the living room was a fur carpet mainly hiding the woodenfloor .It was long old and it creaked by any single movements and glued together on the wall was his stuffed animal head. He sighed for the thousand of time today ,he always wanted the best for his children ,it was long time ago he saw them smiling and the sparkling in their eyes ,and with a once last family crushing hug and instruction to bain he left ,but before he could take two steps he heard a familiar voice and turned around. Sigrid was running up to him ,her clothes dusty and probably needed to be sewed for he could see some holes here and there; came shortly breathing fast and looked at him 

" please don't do anything foolish today " she warned and he smiled, an bitter smile  
" i'll try" and left with a kiss ,on her forehead .

\---------------------------------------------------

Upon arriving to the lake ,he was greeted by alfrid,who is one of the mans ,who is serving the master , he always thinks himself high for his  
position and people tell rumours about him ,having wrapped the master on his finger.

" Bard go do your job, or do you wanna hear from the master himself" 

with a grunt and shaking of his head ,he went on his boat waiting for the barrels to arrive. So to fish them out ,the job was not pleasant and the money was not much, but at this point that will do for now.

" You know " alfrid started " you're oldest daughter is a sight to behold ,why don't you let her marry someone i thought of my nephew"

" never" 

at that alfrid scoffed " don't you know ,he is a noble man " 

" no i would never want to look at myself again if i married her off ,like some careless father's do just for money ". 

And they stood there in silence, as the first barrels came sliding against eachother  
throwing a net ,he fished out the barrels putting them in his boat loading them to the tip.

As Suddenly a stinging pain shoot through his wrist , holding his mouth so that alfrid doesn't hear it ,he went to inspect the tender skin  
biting his lips so that blood was drawn ,he put down his coat and shivered as the wind hit against his exposed skin

and at that moment he felt his eyes burst out ,on his scarred wrist a shape of a forest and an elk was forming in a deep green. 

He looked hastily if alfrid was looking, but was reliefed that his back was turned to him ,he was never as confused than now; soulmarks form when you're other half is near, and by looking in every direction he found no other than himself and alfrid, surely alfrid couldn't be his one? ,cause he had showed no pain as he, and quickly shook his head at that silly assumption, however curiously looking at the forest which had an dangerous air radiating  
" maybe my soulmate is there" but dismissed the idea just elf's lived there, and he was far too ugly for them.

He was not that stupid as to not know what that meant. Valar blessed him with an soulmate "no" he shook his head ,whoever his supposed other half was has to live alone ,he didn't need anyone and he doesn't need someone he had to dote on, he has a good life alone with his children and that's it .

And resumed his work ,with stares send his way which threated to make him fall apart 

" that's it bard here is your money but"  
the man smirked, since i didn't like the way you we're working today, i guess i will take this coin" and gave less to bard  
The bargeman scoffed ,here he was sweating his ass off for the entire day and this man takes from his wage and the best thing he can.

With an reluctant good bye, he went home watching the sky as it turns orange, and the sun leaves the sky for tommorrow morning  
and went to the market to buy food first ,with the less money he owned as it seemed the market was bustling with life ;shoutings from shopowners for their products was heard across the market , people we're rushing to the shops , some soldiers we're watching for any suspicious acts ,and little children we're running, playing ,and screaming ,and only on these days did noble people mix with the poor ,but they we're arrogant looking at him or the others like they we're nothing but servants ,and he internally had to strain and calm himself and went, to his favourite seller .

" Good evening mr. alexander "

" ah if it isn't our bargeman bard ,who tried to steal my recipe as a little toddler ,what can i do for you on this fine evening?" he teased making bard blush at the memory 

" well give me your special honey bread, and some milk and vegetables would be good " 

" as you wish old friend " and patted the man on the shoulder .

And went on to the rear area, although bard never admitted it he once twice tried to steal a peak to steal his recipe without luck ,the man was generous and didn't like most man punish him for it 

alexander was a middle-aged man, with an scruffy brown beard and sea like eyes ,his face was always happy ,like nothing that happens bothers him but bard knew better ,the Master killed his wife not long ago for disobeying ,and threated the man that his children would come next. 

And sighed at the prospect how can someone be so heartless ?

and looked startled at the same man ,with a bag with his honeybread and vegetables 

" so my young friend ,that will be 33 laketown money" and extended his hand 

"Excuse me , since when was it so expensive?"

the man sighed " didn't you hear the news elf's we're here last time, we couldn't see them but they us and they enforced us to higher the prices" 

" but why?"

" they have an ally with laketown , the master, and every year they take someone to serve the elf's but- the man stopped, inhaling they never came back ,yet the master selfishly for his own protection and gold let's them take each year more ,it was heard that the king uses them for his own pleasure .If he's interested in one ,in the nights screams from the woods came , screams of agony and pain " and stopped finished looking in honey brown eyes for an reaction. 

Bard couldn't fathom the idea ,and the need to protect his children flamed with new fierce ,with a nod and thank you he buyed his fair share and went trough the market ,instead of making a bee line to his home we're his children would wait for him he went the opposite direction .

And walked along the path for one direction the woods ,he didn't knew why he was drawn but standing before the path that would take him sure to his death he at least brought a dagger ,which he hided successfully till know in his pocket and counted his lucky stars.

\---------------------------------------------------- 

While walking the narrow path he felt thousand of eyes on him , howlings from afar we're heard ,and he prepared with shaking hands his dagger which he hides behind his back.  
" Why did i even came here, surely later on, i will just be dead meat" he gulped.

The Forest was gloomy ,and the tree's we're so long that it branches we're hiding the sky of any source of light ,the ground was muddy and he felt like he was here before ,was he walking in circles ? cause sure as hell he saw that tree before he marked with the dagger ,most tree's so to know if he walked in circles ,and by inspecting the tree he saw his name engraved in it .

Yes totally walking in circles ,he didn't brought a compass , food , something to drink ,or his bow hell he even didn't inform his children , they are now worrying but there now is no way back he totally lost direction .

While walking deeper into the forest he thought he heard a voice ,in hope that it was someone who lost himself / herself too he speaked up 

" HELLO my name is bard , i lost my way twice or maybe trice? i need to find a way out please" he screamed in desperation but nobody replied 

"what now bard? " 

" poor soul" it came from a direction, than many other mimicked the first one. 

" He will die " " you have no chance" " you will starve here ,there is no escape" " either the huge spiders kill you first or the elf's" " you will go crazy the longer you stay here" 

he was scared and shivering ,without thinking twice his human instincts lead on, and he sprinted deeper into the forest closing his ears ,with his hands he was in denial " no" he would occasionaly scream, and stumbled over a rock and fell face first into the mud 

mud covered , clothes torn, and dagger lost while falling ,he wished that he wasn't so thick headed ,and walked wobbling he was pretty sure he broke one leg by now 

and be dead, he was an easy prey, without an weapon nor proviant it is just a matter of time he felt the woods enclose themselves on him ,and breathing became really hard the voices we're mocking him 

" by the valar please help me. "  
\--------------------------------------------------------- 

"My son " the king speaked in a low voice holding a pose while narrowing his eyes into slits just only yesterday did he fell a presence in his woods ,whoever the intrudor was will be killed this instant ,he just did not care the spiders will make sure to handle the situation .

" Yes ada you wanted me?"

" did you check on the dwarfe's " he snarled spatting the name like it was a curse 

" yes but i have the suspicion that lady tauriel and this dwarf ,are communicating in a wrong way " 

the king leaned back in his throne ,crossing his legs while stretching seeming to be in deep thought 

" watch over her ,if it goes more than just a simple crush ,than the dwarf and her will have to pay dearly none of my kin will EVER LOVE THOSE GREETY DWARFE'S " his skin seemed to change with the words spat so furiously ,his skin dried out revealing scars uknown from it's origin behind that pale smooth cheek. 

Legolas knew better than to disobey, he once told him about the dunedain named strider ,with so much love and passion ;that his father didn't let him out of his room or out nowadays ,he secretly wrote to strider knowing if his ada found out that he would surely be grounded forever , but he couldn't stop the little things strider would write about him. Like how he felt in love with him at first sight, and that his beauty matched his personality ,and that he if ever reclaimed his birth right , would come and fight even ,just to rescue him of the fangs of his ada, and live with him in gondor as prince consort and smiled inwardly 

but for now he bowed lowly and with an good bye left his father , his father always got what he wanted ,and he feared that he would reach his limit if someone didn't come to the rescue very soon. \--------------------------------------------------- " where is our father?" Sigrid asked, pacing hastily the tiny living room ,while tilda and bain worringly looked on .

" Wuaahhh" tilda cried out suddenly,tears falling into her dirty, old dress , " if da doesn't come back, i can't live" she cried ,while a distressed bain tried to calm her down.

Both Sigrid and bain knew what she was reffering to ,and had an bitter expression on their young faces, bain was only newly born at that time ,when their mother passed on while birthing.

 

And he blamed himself, for the loss of her, and his father's life 

" maybe da , had been taken by the bad bad elf's" tilda stated ,with an convinced nod 

" how can we confirm that?"bard confuesdly gazed at his two frantically looking sisters ,and sighed 

"girls " he mumbled lowly to himself and shaked his head , not convinced yet.

" I know " little tilda stated and run off to somewhere 

 

while waiting both shared an helpless look , thinking of the worst , as a loud crashing sound came , where their little sister last run off to , and with an proud smile and dusty covered face she peeked out of the door ,with an object she could hardly hold .

 

" there , da always takes the bow , even when he goes to work but he didn't today "

 

both looking stunned ,for a brief moment looked at eachother ,they we're outsmarted by their little sister, but hardly cared now.

 

They had one mission, go to the cursed forest, and find the most important person, in their little world

 

their beloved father.  
\---------------------------------------------------------

 

he was sweating , panting , hungry and so very exhausted , but having no options left he dragged his feet along the ever not stopping forest.

 

He felt nausea claim him and without further fighting , vomited on a nearby tree and himself , he sagged to the ground, exhausted and felt nausea claim him again , 

 

he was stinking from head to toe , and the combination of his blood mixed with his vomit, mud, and other fluids didn't really help him to resist to throw up a second time , but thought better of it ;and gulped it down .

 

Standing on his feet wobbingly, he walked down the path ,which led him to an neverlasting lybarinth .

he put some leaves out of his sight and gasped, it wasn't the hope that he found a hidden path to his rescue that maked him stand still as a statue, 

it was rather the display. In front of him the whole area was covered in unnormal huge , thick cobwebs.

the only source of light which was too far into the treebranches hit the ground if faintly , and leaves we're falling to the ground gracefully , he could have enjoyed the view, 

if it wasn't of the snoring in the tree's , alerting him that he was in foreign territorium.

Sneaking out slowly , his breathing became shallowly, and he was sweating furiously ,  
he needed only to make two simple steps , and than it would be over , 

he took one step and heard an loud creak , petrefied he looked down ;only to see a branch ,which had been broken under his weight into two .

And prayed for all the god's out there, to help him, as all of a sudden ,he felt something hairy touch his leg ,and nervously gulped ,and turned his head to the side ,two pair of eyes met with ten pair of eyes.

And he took in the sight of the horrendous beast , an unknown fluid was trickling down his sharp ,long teeth , a long inhuman like tongue darted out from time to time ,and he screamed , which earned him a screech in return .

Kicking his leg frantically to get out of the beast's grasp , he searched for an object to pursue the spider , and found a rock, which he aimed on one eye , and run as fast as his legs could , hearing numerous of other screeches behind him , he run the other direction , hoping that they would lose him.

Panting slowly and coming to an abrupt halt , he sighed an reliefed sigh , while rubbing his tired eyes, the screeches and screaming told him that they losed sight of him , but for how long?  
he walked away of the scene ,as fast as he could with a heavy heart.

" He had so many things, on his mind

what we're his children doing right now? 

" we're they searching for him?

" asking for help?"

" better help yourself , first bard" and went wobbling all the way.

Putting some leaves out of his sight , he was awestruck , not knowing how to talk 

finally, shelter before him was a kingdom deep down in the forest , isolated to anyone else  
his eyes drank the sight in front of him, the gold castle was shining in the afternoon sun , and if that was beautiful enough, than he couldn't fathom the idea how the insides must look like , or the elf's residing there .

He felt self-conscious of himself, and looked at his torn clothes , and blood covered face , he surely would be an outcast , and he was in desperate need of an shower , and some sleep .

He was also curious of the lack of guards , it would be easy for anyone to go in , surely something didn't add to this 

" what is going on here?".

**Author's Note:**

> oh the more you comment the sooner i will Write Ah and i don't know what they paid for things at that time maybe just Gold i dunno so i hope you like it Bye :)


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